Invite Change to Be Your Best Friend
Trying to resist change, even when it hurts, is like trying to ride a unicorn to the end of the rainbow.
I’ve been married twice. In each marriage, days and nights were routine. We had our roles and responsibilities, living a “normal” life. For the most part life felt routine and predictable – reliable. And then…it all ended. I liken the demise of my first marriage like a cancer – a tumor grew that was ignored; my second, went up in a glorious blaze of fire. But in both cases, one identity ended and my new life began.
I had no choice but to open myself up to the unknown – possibilities from everywhere and nowhere. And the journey was daunting. I had to get my own place, create a new routine, and engage with the old, while trying to build something new. I thought I knew who I was…until I didn’t. I looked squarely at the reality that everything changes, all the time. Not the least of which is me. How many different versions of me are their? What about you?
Significant change smacks us in the face with a wet glove and stares at us - daring us to cower or try to run in fear.
How can I make future plans if the very foundation of my plan can shift, morph, and mutate into something unrecognizable? Most of us try to do the impossible - we try to keep things from changing.
Ultimately, I believe my divorces were for the better, but they still felt unbearably unpleasant. Divorce is akin to going through the grieving process, as the person you are grieving stands there and taunts you. And then the prospect of entering a new relationship is another pained change. What if this one doesn’t work out? What if I’m not a good person? What if the person I pick is a fraud?
The truth is we do not know much about the future. All we really know is right now and we know the decisions we make right now greatly influence the quality of our “future now” experience.
One underappreciated and often unnoticed aspect of change is that endings happen all the time. Right now, in your body, your red blood cells are replaced about every four months, while white blood cells change annually. Your skin is replaced about every two or three weeks. Even every breath you take is different from the previous. The only constant is change.
Our very nature, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually is characterized by progressive change. We “become” through new experiences, yet we treat new experiences like a cosmic plague – to be avoided at all costs.
Instead of expending energy trying to find a unicorn (solid ground), we can place our awareness on the now. What am I experiencing? What am I feeling, tasting, touching? Experience all of your senses. If you stay close to your now, you will ride the wave of change more effectively. Instead of making up a future story and bringing it into the now as if it is real (aka anxiety), experience what really is happening right now. You can make declarations about your future desires, learn your preferences, but know that life is now.
Strive to not only accept change, but embrace it. Embracing change takes practice, intention, and courage. It also opens the door to live in appreciation for this moment, knowing we will never have it again. Being mindful of what is entering and leaving our experience at any moment is empowering - we have more joy in the good times - and we know that even in the worst of times, we can smile and say “This too shall pass.”
- Leonard
